Prologue

Prologue:

So tired.  

His body felt like it was falling apart.  

Above him was a pitch-black sky. Meng Fu slowly raised his head, watching as a large patch of dark clouds dispersed, revealing the moon faintly glowing with a hazy halo.  

Such a night, it wasn’t a good omen.  

Meng Fu dragged his heavy steps to the front door. "Xiao Yi, I’m back."  

He looked up, pausing mid-action while taking off his shoes. Gu Ze was sitting on the couch, staring at him with a blank expression. Meng Fu changed into slippers, hung his coat on a chair, and said in a calm tone, “Can you wait for a bit? I'll cook my brother a bowl of noodles.”  

"Meng Meng, you're back." The TV had switched to commercials, and Meng Yi finally came to his senses, his eyes filled with childlike innocence.  

"Xiao Yi, watch some more TV. I’ll cook you some noodles."  

Meng Yi shook his head. “I’m not hungry. This big brother brought me food.” He pointed to Gu Ze next to him and added, “Big brother, I’ve seen you looking for Meng Meng a few times, but I still don’t know your name.”  

“Xiao Yi, don’t ask.” Meng Fu stopped him. “It’s time for bed, go to your room.”  

“But I haven’t finished watching my show.” Meng Yi said with a hint of grievance, “Meng Meng, look, the commercials are over.” He pointed excitedly at the TV, which had resumed broadcasting the program.  

Gu Ze remained silent, glaring at Meng Fu with an expression that seemed as if he wanted to tear him apart. In a low voice, Gu Ze commanded, “Go shower.”  

Meng Fu's heart skipped a beat.  

That command felt like a slow, excruciating death. A thousand cuts, yet the final blow only delivered after the body was already torn apart.  

“Xiao Yi, go to bed. Tomorrow I’ll bring you a cake.” Meng Fu negotiated with Meng Yi one last time.  

"Alright," Meng Yi agreed reluctantly for the sake of the cake. At the door, he turned back as if he had just remembered something, “Big brother, what was the food you brought today? It was so good. I want Meng Meng to buy it for me next time too.”  

“Chocolate. It was my wife’s favorite.”  

“Oh, I see. Meng Meng, next time buy it for me too, okay?”  

Of course, it had to be something his wife loved. Every step, every little detail, every moment, this man constantly reminded him: he had killed his wife. He should feel guilty. He deserved to be tormented. He deserved the pain, the agony.  

“Alright, I’ll buy it for you next time.”  

He agreed, waiting until he was sure Meng Yi had gone into the room and turned off the lights, before heading to the bathroom.  

After a long, exhausting day, he still had to deal with this man at night. These endless, repetitive days made him long for his days in prison. At least back then, without freedom, there wasn’t this kind of emotional exhaustion.  

"Meng Fu, how long are you going to stay in there?" Gu Ze's voice echoed through the bathroom door, deep and firm.  

Afraid that Gu Ze might suddenly open the door and see his current state, Meng Fu hurriedly replied, "I’ll be out soon."  

Wearing a bathrobe, Meng Fu opened the door to see the dim light casting shadows on Gu Ze’s stern face. The man was leaning against his bed, playing a mobile game, with no sign of desire.  

Why torment him like this if he didn’t even like men?  

Then again, maybe this method of torment was Gu Ze’s way of easing his hatred, if only a little.  

After all, he had killed this man’s wife and caused him to lose both his wife and their unborn child. No amount of suffering would ever make up for that.  

Standing lifelessly by the door, Meng Fu took one quick glance at Gu Ze before averting his eyes. He stood there with his head down, awaiting Gu Ze’s next command.  

Like a lamb waiting for the slaughter, resigned to his fate.  

"Take it off. After all, you’re already wearing nothing underneath." Gu Ze, still engrossed in his childish mobile game, didn’t even look up. His tone was full of sarcasm. “Or do you want me to do it for you?”  

Without hesitation, Meng Fu removed the bathrobe, standing barefoot on the cold floor. Unsure of what to do next, his skin prickled in the open air. The man sitting on the bed showed no signs of finishing his game, nor of giving him further instructions.  

He couldn’t possibly tell Gu Ze to put the game away and hurry up, though his inner self longed for that—hoping that perhaps, with the game, Gu Ze would lose interest in tormenting him. He was too tired; he just wanted to rest.  

Last night, he had stayed up too late reading. The restaurant had been packed with customers all day, leaving him no time to rest. He worked until 10 p.m. and returned home, only to find this man waiting for him once again.  

Exhaustion weighed him down. He wanted to lie on that bed and sleep, without thinking or doing anything. Just stand there, stark naked. He longed to close his eyes for just a moment, though fear held him back, knowing Gu Ze could call him at any moment.  

“Come here.”  

Finally, Gu Ze’s game had ended. Dragging his heavy feet, Meng Fu knelt on the bed. It was an unbearably humiliating position, yet he was too tired to care.  

He buried his face in the pillow, counting down the few seconds he had to rest his eyes. At least there were still a few seconds.  

But they were fleeting.  

Meng Fu lay limp on the bed, not making a sound the entire time.  

It’s over. Finally.  

As the pain subsided, drowsiness overtook him. He closed his eyes, forgetting entirely about the man beside him, who was now putting his pants back on.  

His mind foggy, he was suddenly yanked upright by his jaw. Meng Fu, still in a daze, opened his eyes to see Gu Ze glaring at him, fury burning in his gaze.  

“You actually fell asleep?!” Gu Ze’s voice was sharp, full of cutting sarcasm. “I thought you’d feel so ashamed that you’d want to die right away. But here you are, still alive, sleeping peacefully after being raped by a man. You play the part of the gentle, kind soul—who are you fooling?”  

“I... I’m sorry.” Meng Fu endured the pain, guilt gnawing at him from within.  

“If you’re really sorry, why don’t you just kill yourself? Write a suicide note, make sure the police rule it out as a crime, and make sure to mention how guilty you feel about Man Yu and my child in your note.”  

"You should just die."  

It was the phrase Gu Ze had repeated to him for seven years. When he visited him in prison, when they first met after his release, and when he raped him for the first time. Over and over again.  

But he had an underage, disabled brother. He couldn’t kill himself.  

Since death wasn’t an option, he’d have to endure it.  

“I don’t want to die.”  

“Of course, you don’t want to die.” Gu Ze tightened his grip. “Scum like you wouldn’t dare. You live a life worse than a dog, yet you still cling to it.”  

Sleep was no longer an option.  

Meng Fu remained silent. He knew Gu Ze wouldn’t really kill him. No one wanted to go to prison, not even Gu Ze. And though Meng Fu could easily accuse Gu Ze of rape, sending him to that hellhole, he didn’t. Because he was guilty.  

The seconds ticked by quietly.  

Tick-tock, tick-tock.  

Gu Ze loosened his grip, and the door slammed shut with a loud bang.  

Meng Fu lay there, wide awake. After a long time, he finally stood up, gingerly supporting his waist as he walked into the bathroom.  

The sound of running water drowned out Gu Ze’s final marks.  

Life, what’s the point?  

If only he had another choice.  

Time flowed quietly, and the long torment dulled the pain in his body, numbed the ache in his heart. He washed away the traces left on his skin.  

Then, a sudden thought struck him—maybe death was easy after all.  

Wearing his bathrobe again, he hesitated as he picked up his phone, calling Gu Ze. "If I kill myself, will you take care of my brother?"  

"Why would I take care of my enemy’s brother? Are you trying to negotiate with me? Have you fallen so low that you don’t even have a relative to take him in?" Gu Ze’s voice was full of mockery, and he added, "If your life is this miserable, you should’ve died a long time ago."  

His heart turned cold.  

"Mr. Gu, I have no relatives willing to take Xiao Yi in. Who would take in the brother of a murderer?” He laughed bitterly, adding, "My brother is kind and innocent. I’ll leave enough money for his care. You just need to make sure he grows up safely. I need to sign an agreement with you, and it has to be notarized.

END OF THE CHAPTER